


If I Loved Him

by antieyes



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Bittersweet, Canon Compliant, Drabble, Ficlet, Gen, Longing, One Shot, Reminiscing, Unfulfilled Love, Yearning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-04
Updated: 2019-06-04
Packaged: 2020-04-07 20:40:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19092733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/antieyes/pseuds/antieyes
Summary: Frodo asks Bilbo if he never married because of his feelings for Thorin.Based off this scene fromPushing Daisies.





	If I Loved Him

**Author's Note:**

> Wanted to get this out my mind so I could focus on my essays and get them over with and focus on my other fic. 
> 
> Commisioned art by [ @wow__then ](https://twitter.com/wow__then?s=09) linked in the end notes!

Bilbo stares into the fire, oblivious to his nephew's voice until he jilts him out of his daze by touching his arm.

Finally turning his head to face him, he raises his eyebrows and forces out a small smile, mentally peeved that he had been caught zoning out. "Hm? What is it Frodo?" He tugs his blankets a little bit tighter around him in folly, fully aware that it won't help the chill in his bones go away.

Frodo frowns for a moment while looking in his eyes before settling back on the floor and giving a quiet smile. "Why do you think you never married?"

That had the elder Baggins gobstruck. No one dared ask him that before. Gossip speculating that his adventure either left him too queer to connect with anyone or whatnot still floats around but no one ever bothered to throw away their bothersome tact and manners to directly ask him why. He scoffs in amazement then mumbles with an unrelenting grin, "Who raised this boy who to be so cheeky? Certainly couldn't've been me."

Frodo beams at his uncle, "I learned from the best." He slips back to being more solemn to return to his question. "But seriously Uncle, why did you never marry?"

Huffing and playing indignant, Bilbo scowls at his boy. "What makes you think I won't marry? I'm still quite the catch and anyone in the Shire would be lucky to catch my eye."

The boy looks rightfully unconvinced. "So you're still looking?"

"…No. I stopped looking long ago." Silence returns to the room for a few moments, allowing Bilbo's eyes and mind to drift back into the quiet flames in the fireplace.

"Do you think it was because of the Dwarf King?" Frodo voices barely above the drone of fire.

"… What are you saying lad?" the uncle replies, just as softly. His eyes don't move back to his nephew.

Finally speaking back at a normal level, Frodo continues, "Well, do you think it's because you still love him?" He watches his uncle's face for a reaction but not a muscle twitches.

"Love him? What good would it do to love a man that’s been dead for over half my life?"

"I dunno. But do you think you do? Or did? And that's why you never married? How could a man who has been gone for so long prevented you from moving on?"

"Why would I need to move on from someone that you think I loved? I know many a free people who are perfectly content on never seeking love again after losing their spouse."

As far as Frodo knows, his uncle and Thorin were not in any sort of official relationship and definitely not spouses but pointing that out is not important. "Well, don't you get bored? With just a few months worth of memories? Seems hard to stay in love with someone who isn't here to actively accompany you."

Bilbo allowed the sound of fire and silence take over again. After several minutes of trying to keep his emotions at peace and from skewing his gently wrinkled face, he closes his eyes and sighs.

"If I loved him, then I would love him in any way I could."

Frodo startled when his uncle broke the silence, resigned to let go of the possibility of him getting an answer but now heeding every word from his old uncle. He honestly did not expect him to open up and speak of the emotions that had never voiced before. His uncle's wrinkled eyelids open again as he continues speaking.

"And since we cannot touch, then I must draw strength from his beauty and strength." Bilbo smiles as his gaze shows that he is thinking of memories of the king from long ago. "And when I go blind, I will fill my soul with the sound of his voice and memory of his thoughts until the last spark of my love for him lit the shabby darkness of my dying mind…" The old introverted hobbit's voice drifts off with the most lovesick expression Frodo had ever been allowed to see from his romantically closed-off uncle.

Bilbo suddenly snaps back to reality and smirks at his inquisitive nephew. "Of course, that's only if I loved him. Mind throwing another log in the fire, my dear? It is still much too cold in here."

**Author's Note:**

> [ Commissioned art by @wow__then](https://twitter.com/wow__then/status/1216508839727525888?s=19)
> 
>  
> 
> Thanks for reading this mess. Let me know if either of them are ooc? Here is my [tumblr](https://kokorrosive.tumblr.com/) or [ twitter](https://twitter.com/kokorrosive?s=09) if you prefer saying critiques there.


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